Theatrics and Life of improvisation.

As a personal philosophy I dont believe that we are fundamentally bestowed with greater or lesser intelligence as individuals.

The reason for this I hope to explore at a later date in my other blogs dedicated to the cause.

For now it suffices to say that this also has a direct bearing on the way I have looked at life. More so in theatrics and humour.

I am mightly amused by notions of self grandeur and while I love to indulge in them with a touch of self-deprecating humour, life essentially is a stage of staggering proportions, all you can do is throw your head back and have a good laugh.

This evolves into my notion of dealing with drama and specifically the art of film making while staging a story. My only approach would be to explain the context and overview and let the actors evolve their own interpretations of situation and improvize on the dialogues based on skeletons that are invariably mine that I draw from my closet (real or imaginary).

There is inherent wisdom and a hidden vice in this approach (for various reasons). Inherent wisdom is to understand that each individual comes with a distintive signature and time stamp before he comes to the stage to perform the scene. This can lead to surprising improvization and beautifully un-predictable narrative lending a new meaning to the whole notion of being involved in the scene presented making it both life like and real.

The vice is losing focus and control of what you started out to do. This is more so because when you script a story, you have carefully set the parameters and perimeters in which a character would act to take the story forward as you want it to move. Seeing a spontaneous diversion from these constraints can lead you to reinterpret the original character and motivations, this can be both good or bad to the overall impact you want to achieve - but at least its never dull.

I have seen people complain of stereotypes. It beats me because, a stereotype is not some imaginary entity or a defining pronouncement of some arbitarary fact. It is simply a device that is used to make a statement of some real life representation/traits that you want to use to move your story forward. Stereotypes are as good those that break stereotypes. For charting a new course is only eventually making a charted course anyhow.

I have never been comfortable on stage, always enjoyed the pleasure of setting a stage. The first play I was ever involved in with was when I was in 7th class, at least it was the first time "we" scripted a story of our own. Our class, 7D, war notorious (actually popular) on two counts. One, there seemed to be extreme polarization between girls and boys, so much so that there wouldnt be a single word exchanged (for most part of our high school career). It was a blend of snobbishness and extreme shyness (more like the characters out of Pride and Prejudice with at touch of immature eccentricity).

This while was odd considering the rest of the school universe was ambivalent, it had a distinctive advantage that the teachers approved of it in a weird way as we were deemed the most decent and harmless class (we were quite examplary so to speak, both boys and girls).

Secondly, we were virtually the best students of a particular class, most of the classmates went on to achieve quite a bit, not just outside school but also within the school itself.

So we came with a reputation and its pitfalls. We recieved a circular one sunny afternoon that there would be a competition for skits and the most humorous skit would win. One skit was allowed per class/section.

While it was a taboo between the boys of our class to indulge in dramatics (we were the quiz/studies/sports kind of bunch) for some reason, which must have been an exception (maybe the first desire to impress girls too??) we decided to take up the challenge. And we did, we scripted our story, that ended with a moralistic note "Jaisi karni waisi bharni", which was really a series of gags with a loose storyline that drove rapidly to a climax to meet the specified time limit.

All the other classes had benchmarked scripts backed by class teachers - ours was unique it was our own version of having fun. I still remember the afternoons we spent on a dilapated shead where a bunch of us assembeld to rake up a storyline that was funny and that could at the same time sit well with our image of being the decent lot (or so we thought back then, as evidenced by the moralistic ending).

It was fun, to say the least. And it adhered to what is now central to my philosophy of drama and film making we had a loose storyline, loose dialogues with total freedom to indulge in our own buffonary.

So, we had a mom, a dad, a rebel kid a good kid and a kindly teacher as the central characters. I was the rebel kid, which is somehow apt in retrospect, more so I choose this part because I had this obnoxious habit of grinning while acting considering it all seemed to alien and strange to me to act, that too for humor.

Considering the polarity between the sexes, we decided that Narayan, the guy with Impish charm, would be the mother that might have been accorded some decency had it been played by some girl.

Well, then came the trial day. We had to demonstrate our skits to the teachers so that they could approve them for the competition. Stage set, and we walk in, the words of dialogues had vanished from the heads. All we had was the storyline and the memory of good times with the gags. All that was at display was improvization and all the people watching the teachers included were laughing at the proceeds, we had a peculiar way of glamorizing our faux pas.

Ours was perhaps the best skit on display that day. At the peak of improvization, was Narayan (mom) having to tell Fareed (dad) in support of Me (bad son) - "Aakhir ye aap ke hi bacche hai" and Fareed, perhaps having forgotten his lines had hollered "Tho maine kab kaha padosiyo ke bacche hai" - it was not just the words, but the manner of delivery and the body language along with the context that even had some of us playing the skit find it difficult to supress our laughter. By the time the moral word were uttered by the good son stating emphatically "Jaisi karni waisi bharni" to signal the end of the play, everyone was still laughing. On retrospect, it could be applied to life hencforth, or even the play itself considering its ill fated end on the run up to the competition. Yet, like karma, jaisi karni waisi bharni - in "popularly" understood form undermines life, now I know much better but that is sans the point.


But hell, the best play, was rejected for being too bold and too audacious. It was something we would eventually rue for days after, at the injustice, and the heartless rejection of labour of love, and now even years after when we get together and talk about it.

Our image belied our expression, and aptly so. There was something uncultured and impervious to reason quality that makes it very memorable for each involved. We never forgot to pat the back of each other ever since.

In school perhaps it didnt work, in life I hope it does. Therein lies the beauty of respecting individual intelligence while being sure of our own capabilities and limitations. It accounts for humour, not always aimed at others, but it also affords spontaneous whiff of expression that is so essential to Drama, or the drama of life.

I have ever since made very impressive caricatures. Both of self and others, with dispassion and surgical precision. All it took was (I presume that is what happens in cartoons too) to find a odd feature and highlite it with strokes of exaggeration. It need not always be loud, there is a way to find the subdued and sublime even in exaggerated movements. It has its own flow, and sometimes its absolutely unstoppable, like I am, when I just let loose. I suspect this is the truth of every trained entity that you encounter in the wild. its the entities that give the notion of civilization, nature even manipulated is always wild.

It is in the expression of the dancer who has touched the extremes of her being in expression, or the artist whose strokes conceal the untamed fury, or the musician who has no understanding of where his body ends and where the instrument he strums starts. In this fusion, we find some of the wildest expressions of life.

Its like standing mesmerized by the side of niagra, all you have to do is leave the expectations out, and feel the guided reason unfold naturally. Its when you discover your pulse and beat of your own art and craft. It needs tremendous integration.

The only thing worth about living now, is how well you have improvised the moment. The right configuration can only be arrived at when you know the effect you choose to play out. There are no lessons that can be learnt that you already dont know in life. Yet its often just a matter of timing it right. It is something that can come only when one is secure in self while letting go in totality.

Sometimes between the lifes caricatures and its stoic potraits, we find the meanings and purpose through improvization and application. It needs tremendous self esteem to remain self obsessed while finding expression for evaluation by others.

This has been my repeating theme of life and art, something I hope I have perfected before I commit my first shot on film.

I see you ..

New Year was quite but good.

We drove down to Milwaukee, to my uncles place and rest was :long chats, nice food and hours of sleep. Two birthday parties, One Movie, Avatar and a hot tub session.

Pedananna, is one of the 4 people who had influence on my thinking early on in life. At 68+, he still has a charming smile of a child. Interestingly 1st Jan is his birthday, so was Jaideep's daughter Eden's bday. It was good to see all the familiar faces after a long time. More so time with pedananna is priceless. Winnie the Poo visited the kids, and they were so enthusiastic about it that they managed to topple him to unveil a coy young girl trying to re-do the act again.

Sri was looking gorgeous, and there were quite a few picture perfect frames as far as the mood goes.

Then there was a second visit to Avatar with Pedananna and Pedamma. Pedannana loved the movie for the sfx, and some of the interesting co-relation it had to our talk of biology and philosophy. More importantly, I had a memory to keep.

"I see you" is used within the movie to have deeper connotations where this act of seeing was akin to being in tune with the individual where no motive is hidden. While this is wishful thinking, the real question is what stops us from really "seeing a person" to begin with? Wouldn't there be easy harmony if that were really possible? What if you could see and connect to every sentient being you chose to?

I am not asking these questions really, but apparently for all bitterness and ill feelings to end, we should apparently see each other more often ;)

So, to all those who love me or hate me, see me often, maybe  you will see me too and discover something amazing about yourself that is in me for you. Who knows? Possibilities are always limitless.

The number of possibilities are at least equal to the number of popularly held beliefs. And if you cant find your belief in this world, I promise you, I will invent another world just for you. And those of you who have found your belief in this world, is being blind to other possibilities the only way out? "Cant you see"?

In Fact of all the things I have for you, the only thing I no longer have is Judgement. Will that help you see? Perhaps, I will rest the cursor in celebration of that possibility.

Tortured snowman.

Yesterday and today were more hospitable temperatures here at Des Moines/Iowa compared to the week gone by. 

Took a chance of helping the kids to make their first snowman. The kids had better plans, they wanted to use the colors they had got as Xmas gifts at a local church to paint the snowman. It seemed a very interesting idea. So with the limited gear we created what was at best an amateur's snowman. Also, since we had limited snow in the balcony, and were were not very kicked about going out, we created a sitting version of the snowman.

Janu mused that it was a snowdad, considering the snowman had a big belly, they found it to be an replacement of me in snow. For them the good thing was that they could take their ire with colors.

Well, what became of the snowdad was what I call the tortured snowman. But like everything else in life, it was time well spent.

Snow today.

It started snowing Sunday, like my angst and resolve and the blizzard just got over tonight. A foot or so of Snow outside and I took off on a long walk in what otherwise would not look like wilderness. Rooftops resembled the ground below, and the punctuation of distance between the two was an eye sore, only just so.

As the biting cold bit through the skin, I quite enjoyed myself as I walked on, one step after another. I hoped to experience numbing, but I felt that too just barely so.

The white landscape with barren trees made for quite a sight. The tombstones were the most beautiful, like the peace descended from the heavens onto the lumbering stones that heaved a sigh of recognition, the one line introductions blurred white as the eerie desolation of the cold actually felt warm. Perhaps because the scents of the ground were no longer indication of where the step would land, and the blurring of distinctions felt almost natural, a sense that it was now good to breath. The mind eased, the body followed and I walked.

An old woman and a dog visited a gravesite, was it morbid attraction or the amazing tenacity of love? For while I was crazy enough to take a walk into the wild, why wouldnt even the age prevent her from doing the same? perhaps it was her love for now what remains a slab of concrete with an angel standing at the top amidst hundred other stones standing all around witnessing her gestures unfold. I quite identified with the dead and was taken by the grace of the aging bones. The dog was suspicious willing to lunge at a hint of threat from me, perhaps, but behaved itself like it had known what it meant to be standing there. Across the measured distance and feet sunken in snow, there was a quaint approval and silence.

The intent is complete. The words and actions seldom are, luckily they only share the faults that I am, and perish with me. And the intent will still look up alive, for all eternity, and to the journey that started before the storm, and proudly proclaim, a mute statement of knowing the expression, shine! and be born today!

Now movie is good.

Today was beautiful, First snow of the year. The birthday of my cousin. Sri cooked some of the most delicious lunch and dinner in recent memory, I am not a glutton, and the way to my heart is not through my tummy or any area close to it, yet I love different tastes of food (my preference is spicy and sour, sweets are not really on cards, though mood might lend credibility to them too, but lemon grass, clear soups, hot and sour flavors and the likes top the list and sri cooks some dishes perfect).

The kids played themselves into the snow, they didnt care for anything sri had to say about it being cold or that they should dress properly to avoid cold. They had a mind of their own, which is not much, considering it was filled with snow. I joined them with little snow balls, on a short, a third child much to the anguish of my wife. It was fun.

The day however turned out to be warm, by noon, Robin offered to take care of the kids while we ran errands. Me and sri escaped without much to keep us warm except for occasional snuggles and of course some knowing smiles. Sri was teasing me about my girl friends, and me about her boy friends - and for a change the old sridevi song that makes srilu belch in disgust didn't annoy her so much, its not something I like but certainly something I would settle for when the mood was elevated with some privacy, in full public view of course.

Me and sri shopped ourselves silly. I love to indulge in buying things, shopping with price tags drives me crazy, but once the price tags are tucked out of vision, I can be quite a pleasant shopper, which of course makes Sri nervous, since she feels more responsible for money than I can feel for my life.

I could persuade her to buy scented candles and a couple of glass hurricanes to go with it. The price luckily for me, not a luxury I get into often, turned out to be low and my choices were promptly approved without further argument. We came back, Sri popped some popcorn for me, along with a cuppa brewing hot tea (she makes absolutely wonderful tea cups) and I was in heaven. Btw anyone who hasnt tried buttered popcorn with Jalapenos is wasting mans most brilliant movie theater invention (popcorn) without tasting it right.

We were watching wake up sid over dinner, on the couch, in what Boss would call Bumming around pose. Me sri and Manny (Jan slept early). The kid was sitting on my tummy, and seemed to be busy in her own world. While me and sri were watching the movie, courtesy Veoh player.

The movie was obvious feel good, and over simplification of life, with just a touch and highlight of the key notes, of what should be felt, what was felt without specific details. I enjoy my time anyways.

I never understood the distraction of children with movies, until I figured out with Janu and then with Manny that they connect more intimately to what suits their level of thinking - the fascination with Tele tubbies, Donald duck, starts early, followed by goofey, then eventually moves on to Mickey with age and intelligence. The process almost coincides with verbalization that can stay on as coherent for kids. Which is why of course, across the ages Tom and Jerry seems to hold attention, because it seems to have something in it for everyone - minus the words of course.

The child was fighting sleep, and playing on with me, refusing to take my offers to let her sleep on my tummy while I gently tapped her back - something she immensely likes most of the times. Then suddenly the child who was making different shapes and wriggling around like a worm all over me (for those who believe in astrology she is a gemini), got squirmish, and moves over to her mom crying. I snapped out to figure out if I did something to hurt her, pat came the explanation from a wise mother that she was upset the Sid was leaving her girl friend and going away! The child, apparently soaked the movie enough to connect through the events that lead to the connection between the lead pair. Srilu, was calming her down wiping her tears, and telling her it will be ok.

Then in the final frame the hero and the heroin hug each other, and little Revathy Manasvini made a pronouncement, "now movie is good", I cant explain her expression, perhaps it was a mixture of tiredness, insight, satisfaction, dreaminess. And she was finally at 12 midnight, ready to sleep. Coming from her, the simplicity was hard hitting.

She went on to tell me, daddy, we need to sleep, lets put the fire on the candle. I meekly submitted to the request, the "fire" was put on the candle, the candle was put into the glass hurricane, the lights were turned off, and upon her suggestion the hurricane was put besides a mirror because we were lighting only one candle and she wanted two. The child is sleeping, while I sit by her side and savour the scent of the candle by the candle light. I remind myself, there still so much to learn, and write here, wishing the memory of what I feel now lingers on tomorrow, when the candle is gone like its scent.

I am enclosing a night shot of the candle in the glass hurricane, there is very little more beautiful than darkness with a hint of light. More so, when there is nothing standing between the light and your naked existence - you are fully alive and aware of the expressive face of the girl child by the candle light. You know for sure that you are not casting any shadows.

To the darkness and the girl child tonight!

Fever!

Manny has been having temperature for throat infection.

Actually all three ladies at home were down, pneumonia, flu and sore throat. I am as always suffering my own brand of infection - insomnia.


So, there has been a lot of cold water sponging to keep the temperatures down. Today, all three seem much better, until of course a small tragedy waiting in the wings to happen.


Me and Sri get nervous when the house is quite - it usually means the younger one is in some corner with her exploration / experimentation with her natural habitat, and usually that proves costly. Not that we complain, but hell ya, something you tend to get nervous about when you realize there are BILLS to pay!

It was one of those times. The house went quite, well, almost quite except for the sound of running water from one corner of the bathroom. The older one went over to conduct a proxy investigation, that ended in a sharp laments and refrains.


We went over to find the little one scale up bathroom sink (after a detour that is left best un-described) - she was holding the older ones favorite "Leapster" game in the water.


Apparently the younger one, as we found out amidst peals of laughter, might have reasoned in her tiny mind while experimenting with the instrument, figuring out things:


"Hey Janu plays this everyday, let me finally figure this out today"


"Hell this is harder than I thought"


"Sheesssh, how does she even play it??"


"Yeah! maybe I figured it out now!!"


"Hell, wrong call!"


"Oh wait - this damn thing is getting really hot on my legs!"


"Ouch, maybe its caught the flu!!"


"Oh!! god - now what!!"


"Janu akka will be mad with me if it konks off!!"


"Yeah, maybe I know what to do!!!"


"VIOLA!!"


"I love myself!!"


"guess I am smart!!!"


"WATER SPONGING!!!"


"If it fixed me, it gotta fix this!!"


"Hell Yeah!! - no one will know this thingy ever got the flu from me!!"


I like the line of thought, only the older one didnt agree with me, my wife didnt know what to do. So hey, I end up promising a bigger game - Wii!!!


#$$%%@&%&^*(^* - with love to all those who invented the notion of credit cards, bills and Wii!!


And of course, the evolution of virus!


PS - At walgreens I saw a sign that read "Flu shots available for the flu season!!", I am sure if it was not indecent he would have had a banner that read


"Welcome to the flu season, get ur cards out guys!! We got shots!! you got butts???"

Experience!

Your definitions, your morality, your life. There can never be anything un-natural within it – not for you not for anyone else – no one can claim to have defied the laws. The only claim that can be made is to defy the that rules that are thrust on you.

Action is inevitable, one way or the other, let it burn into the memory the scent of its imprint. Let me experience it.